Mens/Womens are Text Differently. Know Her Texts to Get What’s Next

It’s an atypical stormy San Francisco Saturday.  Mark Benioff, Founder and CEO of SalesForce,  is  occupying a lot of conversational space in the room .  Our ten-member Womens’ LeadLifeNow group is discussing LeadLifeNow’s  life-leadership element of Money/Finance. We’ve covered wage equality for women, which is a profound influencer of our Money/Finance esteem.  Mark Benioff is the only guy in the room; I mean, conversationally.  Benioff is cheered for  quickly equalizing womens’ pay within hours of learning the SalesForce investigative data on gender wage/role discrepancies.   Our members agree that it’s an ongoing stressor, as not everyone works at SalesForce.  They further agree that a vibrant hookup, date, or longer-term love relationship would reduce their job stress, including this equality-vigilance stress that’s so prevalent.

After our lunch break it’s a smooth transition to our next LeadLifeNow life element:  Love/Relationship.

Not all members gender-identify the same.  Not all want the same type or depth of Love/Relationship right now.  Not everyone is currently working on this Life Element Yet all agree:  The next move after you get his/her number, is to send a text to show interest.

A Brigham Young University study as early as 2003 showed the range of  differences between he-texts and she-texts.   In 2013,  BYU researchers were back to share more about the male/female texting differences.  If you’re a woman or you have those hormones associated with being a women, texting will have it’s own look, feel, and expectation. These same hormones influence the LeadLifeNow Love/Relationship element.  Add flirting back and forth for brief or long-term connection. But there are those who only prefer casual sex. If you are one of those people, then there are other adult sites for you to choose from and you can also find group sex locally, we went to a sex party in Essex that we found on adult dating site so it’s amazing what you can find.

Read on, Guys; there’s more to learn!

Texting gives us Women a quick, non-threatening way to take charge and demonstrate our interest.  Even my somewhat-shy women clients can send a simple “Hey” or smiley emoji without the huge anxiety a call or face-to-face meeting would bring.  It reduces humiliation. Texting enables us to easily make the first move. We don’t have to wait for you to do it.  It’s the 21st Century!

The “I’m interested” text begins.   We say “Hey”.  it’s a code for “I like you and want to get to know you.  A guy will often text back  “Hey”.  That’s one word.  It falls short of our desire.  We’re ready for a conversation.  We’d like you to elaborate on what’s going on right now or today, after your “Hey.”  We’re ready to add to our “Hey”; no problema.  Women typically love to text talk.  If you want to show your shared interest in her, add a reasonable paragraph.

There are a lot of articles telling us Women, “For a Guy to know you’re interested, show him he’s needed.”  One workshop member described her indirect communication through text:   “I can use some help with my SmartTV installation.  It’s heavy.  Interested?”  That statement, decoded, said “I’d like to get together and am uncomfortable asking you directly.”  A Guy decodes it another way:  Bottom line?   It’s handyman” not “hand job”.  No date/love connection here.  He moves on.

This indirect communication perplexed this member.  She’s very direct in her workplace leadership role.  The Love/Relationship element needs a leadership boost, don’tcha think?

So, what more do Guys need to know about  “I’m interested” texting?  LeadLifeNow group members have lots of ideas to share:

1.   She initiated the text!   It’s a “Hey, How was the rest of the weekend (after we met)?”,  which means, “I want to get to know you.”  It doesn’t mean, “I’m bored”.  Guys have told me “I’m bored” is under their “Hey” at times; that    “…texting a “Hey” to some girl relieves boredom until the work  team meeting resumes, until the long red light turns green, until they get all the way up to the front of the line.

2.   Women ask questions.  Answer with some description.  Ask some, too, if the interest is mutual.  It keeps the conversation going.

3.   Women enjoy text play(fulness).  For example, she notices your initials are C. B..  She texts, “Hey, “Cliff Bar”.  She sends an emoji with a neon flashing Good Night and winking moon.  Come play with her!  Don’t trust your own comedic creativity?  Try Googling “funny quotes about Beyonce” (her favorite artist); record your out-of-tune voice singing the first stanza of a Beyonce tune.  She says she loves her breakfast of Trader Joe’s steel cut oatmeal?  Send a Giphy of a cartoon dog eating oatmeal.  Play and humor will give you points.  You’ll become hot beyond your looks.  Yet, it may still be too premature to unpack heavy sex talk.

4.   She’ll send a lengthy text reply to your briefer text questions.  She’s hoping you’ll engage in more of a story, too.

5.  She wil respond quickly at times and not at others.  The latter doesn’t mean “not interested!”  There are other commitments in a day, not just text-returning.

6.  Here comes a photo of her favorite caffe mocha at her favorite caffe.   Here’s the view from her balcony.  Here’s one of a dog, that might resemble yours.  And look:  It’s the Bi-Rite Ice Cream Store line that she hopes to wait in with you.  She’s transitioned from the toe-in-the water interest level to the foot-in-the-water.  These text photos are an invitation into her personal life; which is more intimate.

7.  She’ll strive to align with your humor by sending a joke text.  But she’ll mess up the punchline, which she’s noted for anyway.  This is a good chance to complement her for trying…..that is, if you’re interested.

8.  What’s up for the weekend?    Of course she texts;  she’s interested!  Knowing your activities helps her know you better.  She may hope there’s space for in-person time with you, too.   Texting makes it easier for her to “hear” the “no”.   If you’re interested and just booked that weekend, jump to schedule something soon after.

9.  Tit-Texting will happen if she’s interested in just a hookup.  Our LeadLifeNow members are unanimous:  Women, who like you, and want to step into date-toward-relationship status, will keep the sexting about genitalia for later in the process of getting to know you.   Women, who use erotica and exotica to “hook you” into a long-term relationship may seem manipulative… because they are.

Now, can you tell she’s interested in you through her texts?  Hope so!  There are a couple of  Guys, who still say, “I dunno.”  Their self-worth “bank account” generally runs low.  It’s not about the women.  It’s about something conflictive inside them.  They’re insecure.  They come from dysfunctional families.  Their parent passed away when they were young; or any number of heart-hurting life experiences.  If you know Guys like these, encourage them to get help!  There’s some rich personal growth and self-esteeming work to be done.   I can help.  Please reach out: pj@leadlifenow.com.

You’re worth being interested in; and getting it!